What I’d like to think lies on the other side
The view from my front porch is quite stunning. This view that wakes me up and lays me down always takes my breath away. It is an arc of hills, almost at a similar height with varying colours of green covering the sides. When the sun shines, especially when it is rising, it looks like a Vanguard painting, as the colours it puts in motion can be felt radiating in one's body. When it sets, it takes your mind into a different reality just by staring at how the green, orange, blue, white, red, and yellow colours blend. And then when it rains, or there is mist…It’s like that side of the world is engulfed in a cloud of white smoke, where there is a mystery that beckons this curious mind of mine to want to know what lies inside of it.
Yes, I can not rave enough about how amazing the view is. However, during these past six months, I have been seeing past the landscape to ask myself, what lies beyond that hillscape? It’s been five years of my marvelling, being awestruck and having astonishing view moments, but now, could there be more or is it simply my greed and curious itch to want to explore what is already enough as it is?
I have never felt this huge nudge and push to want more than the view, but now I do and I want to find out. On this end, I am comfortable. I do have a nice lifestyle. It isn’t that I am in the valley below me, I am on another hillside but I am longing to get to the other. I know and have heard the quotes, metaphors and advice on being content, satisfied and appreciating what you have, especially considering the current times. Still, there is a nudge to know.
And being curious, it doesn’t help to feel like I have plateaued where I am. I feel like I have discovered and grown here as much as I possibly can and it is time to challenge myself with a new adventure. Thus, the admiration and longing for the hill I see but haven't climbed yet.
But why? (you ask) am I stalling cause I have been praising that view and have convinced myself I want to go there? I am scared. Yes, that is the obstacle I am facing. I am scared of what else is there. Sure, it looks inviting and scenic but what if it is just a smoke mirror? I could be leaving peace for beautifully wrapped chaos…I mean it would kill me to venture ahead and then realize I can’t deal with the place, and now the hill I came from looks better from that perspective. I know it’s all about the mindset, however, I have discovered that the environment and circumstances influence one’s happiness by at least 20%. And I don’t want to tell myself I told you so, especially five years later.
So what have I decided to do?
I will go. Yes, I am going to climb my hill. I know it is still a long journey to get there, I mean I have to: descend my hill, walk through a valley, reach the base of that amazing hill and start climbing it to the top so that I can finally get to see and feel how it is there. Hopefully through the journey, I will embrace my fear and learn to enjoy every moment of the climb and set the view as my checkpoint. Because after I can conquer that, who knows? maybe just maybe the hilltop view is a window to the mountaintop view that is breathtaking from that standpoint.
My fear of regret outweighs that of the unknown, well at least while I am still young. I will forge ahead but not impulsively. I will take the next three or four months to plan, strategize, and research the best course of action. I mean without my due diligence, how else do I expect to survive the journey in good shape so that I can fully appreciate the climb and view from above?
Yes, my hilltop view awaits; for now, let the scenic look it gives me every day energize me to get to it because let’s be honest…the grass will always be a different colour on the other side, and I am just bold enough to find out which it is at the top of my hill.
(Song of the day: Far from here- Alissa Moreno)
“There are a dozen reasons for climbing, some bad, and I’ve used most of them myself. The worst are fame and money. Commonly people cite exploration or discovery, but that’s rarely relevant in today’s world. The only good reason to climb is to improve yourself.”
– Yvon Chouinard
