The number of times I have heard that phrase said to me, I’d be a billionaire by now…If they were paying me 1000 bucks to get the answer ;). Fine, I get it: I live in a fast-paced world that encourages one to speak up, make their voice heard, and leave a mark or a whole damn poster if you wish. So for a millennial in the 21st century, the odds seem to be in the favor of the loud, outspoken breed. But does that mean I am a flaw? A glitch in the code to perfect the human race? I don’t think so. In fact, I think I keep the error codes at bay because us, the ‘quiet species’ are as important to maintain an equilibrium. Imagine if we were all loudmouths, would anyone ever listen to the other…and I mean listen not just hear and jump to give an opinion, because in as much as our opinions matter, and there’s no rule banning one from using any number of words per day, there’s a need to take a breath pause.
And that’s where we introverts come in. My kind; cut from the same cloth of taking time before we form a response, or gauging if a response is needed at all. Yes, quiet people really do have the loudest minds (Stephen Hawking). For example, this once happened to me in university:
I was in a group of 5 discussing a project plan we were meant to come up with. Everyone was talking and pitching their ideas (pretty loud for some) on what we should or shouldn’t do, and yes the enthusiasm was amazing. But one member turned to me and was like:
“Why you quiet? Each one of us should be contributing remember?”
That knocked my energy level 10 octaves down. I thought: “…the nerve she has to point that out so boldly; as if she just diagnosed a problem which would impact society.” And voila, all turned, looked at me, and before I could say anything, the subject shifted to how it was true, I was the quietest of the class: shy, withdrawn, and probably too laid back. OKAY, that was it! I let go of the dead man switch of composure and told the lot of them to SHUT IT. I went ahead to ask one member what the other had said and she couldn’t quite recall; asked another to mention at least one clear suggestion that was put forward…got side glances like: “Why would I ask that?!” Of course, I could answer those questions since I was listening; analyzing all they were saying, and sometimes criticizing where they got some of their ideas to who were these people?. In the end, I voiced my opinion on whose ideas were viable, my own thoughts on the project and the irony is they were now the quiet ones, listening and unexpectedly agreeing with me.
Truthfully, my ‘quiet pet peeve’ didn’t start from childhood as I was a pretty loud kid. I used to say what’s on my mind 90% of the time and was the first to say hi to anyone I crossed paths with, which made me popular and I liked it too. Then, growing up happened and life’s valleys changed me. From what I went through, I reclined into silence. At first, it was because I didn’t want to be noticed but with time it became more of me being self-aware. Silent conversations with ‘my second self’ helped me visualize the person I wanted to be and I became comfortable with the quiet, even after my ‘then’ problems had disappeared. I realized I liked weighing my replies before blurting them out, or often starting a conversation with people I had known for more than a week…and I mean really know; not the accidental-locking-of-eyes-then-forced-to-smile-and-talk kinda conversations.
Of course, there’s a downside to this. At times I feel like the grass is greener on the other side; say if I was more vocal, I’d appear more assertive, confident, or approachable. However, I’ve tasted that, and to others, maybe it comes naturally, but for me, I’d have to work 10 times harder to be that persona, and what’s the point?… of changing just to tick a box society seems to approve more than the other? Don’t think I have the stamina for that.
So what have I decided after ascertaining that I’m okay in my quiet space?
That I don’t need to defend this aspect of my life, which I believe makes me enchanting, mysterious, and enthralling. I like listening to others talk and chip in when I deem necessary. I also like having a calm presence about me. Plus, quiet doesn’t mean I am timid. Actually, friends who know me well sometimes refuse to hold hang-outs if I won’t show up cause apparently, I’m the life of the party or debate on going to certain places with me claiming I am unpredictable in my crazy actions. They have understood that occasionally, I like to shut up more than speak out, which they get and like me for it.
Thus, fellow curious minds that keep telling me that ridiculous statement, to this I decree the response I’ll give:
On what are you basing that on?
The fact that I didn’t say hello first? or I didn’t start and maintain a 5-minute convo on how the weather has been lately? (still fascinates me how some people can literally go on about the weather, then the climate topic for close to 10 minutes and some.) Is it that I didn’t shout out my deep respect for Nelson Mandela, Ed Sheeran, or Michelle Obama (some of my role models) without being asked? or perhaps it’s because I didn’t announce that I’m ‘Bleeding in love’ and that’s why I’d appreciate some downtime.
What exactly made you realize that I am so quiet? yet when asked questions I answer or ask them when I want to, just like you. If I asked ‘Why are you so loud?’..I’m sure you’d launch into a whole declaration speech to justify that and yes I would want to listen, but since I’m not the type to do the same, you feel you can throw that question at me?
Is there a rule, fact, or innate law that one shouldn’t be quiet? And if so, why are you curious about that instead of being curious about the person I am; my character, values, opinion, outlook on life, colors I like, the food I can’t stand…the list is endless my friend. So please, let’s be fair to both sides of the introvert-extrovert lifestyle and appreciate the pros and cons of each.
Even though you may ask or mean it in a kind way, try not to voice it often since you now understand that:
“Not all who are silent do not want to talk.”
― Debasish Mridha
and
“The highest form of love is to be the protector of another person’s solitude.” Rainer Maria Rilke
(Song of the day: Demons-Imagine Dragons)
